i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
