I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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