In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
