I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
