During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.