I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun