You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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