I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”