Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.