Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to calm my uterus...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?