Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
