my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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