Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
