They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
