I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
