It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
