I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
