Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
