He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
