Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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