therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
