i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
