The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
