Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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