take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
