We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
