If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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