Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
how does that bad decision feel?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
