I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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