Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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