When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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