I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
