i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
