What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
