Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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