Got a toothbrush?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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