That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
