It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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