I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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