I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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