I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize