Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
