do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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