Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
