i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize