Fuck appropriateness.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She even gives head with a lisp.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
