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It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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