The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
