So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
