hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
