so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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