sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
