saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
