if i can run in heels then i can drive
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
