I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
