Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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