too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
