Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
