mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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