Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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