Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
