Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
