he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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