The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
