Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
