don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
