i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
