After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
