i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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