i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
