There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
