I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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