I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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