I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
