now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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