I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
