Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
