I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
