My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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